Miss Consistency

...while reading listen to:

I am going to be honest. My site, the one you are currently on (for which I thank you from the bottom of my heart), was ready....about a month ago.

Yep, I was procrastinating for a month after I wrote my introductory post where I explicitly and quite inspiratory wrote about lifelong marathons and how I am finally choosing to start doing what I love.

At first, my great excuse was that I need to give it a day or two to see If there is anything I would like to change. Maybe a different word there and punctuation here. A different colour palette or more inspiring pictures? ...Always the perfectionist.

Then the next grand excuse was my sister's wedding. I invested a lot of my creative and physical energy into it. And I loved doing it. I could see how beautiful my sister looked, and I was beyond happy that I took the time and helped her create a wedding, a start to a new chapter she, out of all the people, deserves the most.

Then I took a week off to get my energy back. And sitting on my towel with a handful of sunscreen on my face, I was thinking: "So, why are you prolonging the launch day, now?"

And later, while I was enjoying salty air on my bike ride from the beach, a thought rooted deep, deep down, dawn upon me.

...I am afraid of my second post.

And my third and my fourth, tenth and hundredth... I am afraid of miss Consistency.

She is quite a lady, and honestly, we have a complicated relationship. Like any moody individual is quite unreliable; sometimes she is here, with me and others, she likes to take a long vacation god knows where and honestly don't give a damn about me.

But above all else, her favourite thing is flirting with the New. She subtly gives me ideas, nudges me into new hobbies, new people, new books, music, lifestyle changes, big and small life choices. She whispers all the good things I could have If I am just willing to say yes to this new obsession of hers. And unfortunately for me, her strongest suits are her persuasion methods and excellent disappearing techniques.

It is a dangerous game, that quite frankly, I love playing. It is like flirting with the world itself. Every possibility that comes at your door, you examine, from head to toe and back to the eyes. There you take a second to imagine how it would feel like to let this new into your reality. You toy with the idea of it. Imagining how it will connect with your obligations, your grand vision of the future, your mundane tasks, and most importantly, how it will make you feel. Good, excellent, fabulous, or better yet, like a reckless midnight drive?

Then you make a decision. It is a yes or no. And the thing about miss Consistency is that she loves to say yes. Sticking around? Yeah, not so much.

And that is why we have a complicated relationship. A love-hate one. I love that she encourages me to take on new things, and I hate that I let her leave me after a certain period of time. I let it happen often enough that I don't even mind it anymore. I guess I become accustomed to never finishing challenges that I set for myself.

And here comes to play my fear of posting or rather fear of not posting. I am afraid that she will leave me, like so many times before, and I will be stuck with this sticky feeling in my chest.

Like a true blogger, I decided to write about it. And whilst I was dictating which word to put first on paper, a sneaky idea popped into my brain.

A challenge. For a part of myself....for miss Consistency.

I challenge you, miss Consistency, to a duel or rather a write-off. Me and you, every week, to see who can last longer.

What do I know? Maybe we even become colleagues or, god forbid, friends.

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